erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
