I accidentally burped into my bong.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
