He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize