Where did you get a picture of my penis
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
