It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
