why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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