Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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