From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
