i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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