Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
