White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
