how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
