looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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