We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sorry about my life...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
