Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize