I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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