i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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