I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
