So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
