Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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