My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
