i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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