i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Someone signed my nipple.
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