So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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