***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
