we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
