he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The beer is more important than you right now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
this hospital has no fireball
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
