I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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