u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
No stitches, just platelets and will power
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
