We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
