Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
