I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize