time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how drunk are you?
Several
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
