I want to make a zoo with you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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