week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
