i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
