Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Text me some of your sweat
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