my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
