Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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