She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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