Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
