There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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