I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
