its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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