yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize