I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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