It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
