Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
