Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
