Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
