So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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