this boner is exhausting
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
PANTIES FOUND
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