there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
