It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
