Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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