everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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