If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
