I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
