I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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