Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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