Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
