how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
