whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
