If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
