Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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