I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
