I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
