how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
