pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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