i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
