We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
