He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My bed smells like the plague
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize