it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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